![]() If you need persuading that asexuals do experience their own form of oppression, though, consider the number of asexuals who are coerced into sex in order to 'fix’ them. But since when did being LGBT+ become a competition for ‘who’s the most oppressed’? Is that what LGBT+ is? You’re only allowed in the club if you’re 'oppressed enough’? If you’re 'gay enough’? If you’re 'trans enough’? ![]() Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other LGBT+ folks no doubt experience a higher level and intensity of systematic oppression to asexuals, more frequently go through hard experiences due to their orientation or gender. You DO NOT feel attracted to ANYONE.Īnd in saying all this, I fully acknowledge that asexuals do not experience the extent of oppression that other LGBT+ folks do. It is a part of you that no matter how hard you try to will it away, no matter how hard you try to persuade yourself otherwise, you cannot help it. It is ingrained in you, just like being gay is, just like being trans is. It’s not the same as celibacy out of choice, or being a ‘prude’, or waiting till marriage. Asexuals aren’t attracted to the opposite gender but ‘hesitant’ to act on it. The fact you see asexuality as ‘hesitation’ is really horrifying to me. You think being ace is the same as heterosexuality? You think it’s an easy thing to learn about yourself? Explain the terror, then. When you realise you will never be able to enjoy a normal romantic/sexual relationship, the ones full of passion like you see in the movies, and people will reject you because you can’t fancy them in that way, and there’s a higher chance for you than anyone else that you will simply die alone, without love, without children - you are terrified. When you think about ever falling in love and the idea disgusts you, or you think about falling in love and you crave it, god you CRAVE it, but you know you can’t ever feel that, you are terrified. When you pass the age where people have started dating and having sex and you still feel nothing - NOTHING - you are terrified. When you realise you’ve never had a crush, when all your friends have had ten each, you are terrified. Learning you are asexual can be terrifying. And while that might seem easy to you, it’s an extremely painful and terrifying thing to learn about yourself, in a world where everyone is expected to have an array of sexual experiences, fall in love, get married, and anyone who doesn’t do that is strange and a freak. Being asexual means you do not experience sexual attraction, ever. Telling an ace person that asexuality isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’ is about as accurate as saying being gay isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’. It’s painful how different it feels to be asexual compared to being heterosexual. ![]() The first thing you need to try and unlearn is that asexuality is in any way similar to heterosexuality. They’re not the same as you.īut oh god, they are not allowed in the cishet club either. No one else feels the way asexuals do and people don’t think they should be part of the group. The result? No one wants asexuals near them. Unless they are trans, asexuals don’t have gender troubles, and unless they experience same-gender romantic attraction, asexuals don’t experience same-gender attraction! Lesbian, bi, gay etc people can all be joined together in their experience of same gender attraction, and all trans folks, binary and non binary, can be joined together in their experience of feeing a disconnect from their assigned birth gender. Because asexual people are not like you, are they. It’s so extremely normalised that the idea that someone could be literally UNABLE to feel sexual attraction is, to many people, absolutely bizarre and a joke.Įven if you acknowledge that asexuality is real, it’s also easy to see why you would be so quick to reject and get angry at asexual people who call themselves LGBT+. And everyone is supposed to want it and feel it. The world is awash with sex and sexual attraction. It’s easy to see why not only cishet people, but also LGBT+ people, think that asexuality is fake. I’m glad you reached out to me about this because you must have really upset your friend by saying stuff like this to them.
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